Chronicles of a comical nation

By Tiola
A time will come when this too will become an entertaining anecdote round the dinner table and we’ll be like tee hee hee hee…. Remember when then mace was the political weapon of choice…hee hee…’.but for now, our very own theatre of the absurd moves on and is playing out to a packed house in the Garden City.

To think that our ‘intellectuals’ query the plausibility of Nollywood stories when some of our real life stories are weirder and more outlandish than fiction. Abi how do you explain the on-going situation in River’s State?

[caption id="attachment_402954" align="alignnone" width="412"] Hon Evan Bapakaye at loggerheads with a Mobile Police Officer at the Rivers State House of Assembly during the crisis that rocked the House. Photo: Nwankpa Chijioke[/caption]

Mr Ameachi has been the consistent flavour of the month and Aso Rock can’t seem to get enough. It is a terrible thing to fall in the hands of  an angry, spiteful, Nigerian ‘big man’; especially a politician.

A slight change in state party leadership and suddenly 27 people get suspended. That these 27 happen to be members of the state House of Assembly considered loyal to the sitting Governor is just a tiny coincidence as if that’s not enough to give you whiplash, five people then go ahead and impeach the speaker and install a new one in his stead. Chikena! Home grown democracy a la Nija!

What are we on about any way? But for a few tweaks here and there,and a few changes in the cast,this is the same script that played out in Ogun State during the days of Mr Daniels and his black book. Didn’t eight people oust the Speaker at the time and hold sway in the House for several months? And I stand to be corrected but didn’t  Jona himself become Governor of his state under similar circumstances?Plus our mace has been in worse situations than being used as a cudgel during political disagreements. It’s a paradox; the “mace” itself. For an inanimate object that is repeatedly handled with unparalleled levels of disregard; I don’t understand all the pomp and pageantry surrounding it and why they continue to give it the pride of place. I digress. Just another detail in this current bizarre and yet not unfamiliar drama playing out.

No, these comically insane moments of unbridled passion and fury are not alien to us or as seen from time to time other parts of the world. I guess the fact that social media is more pervasive and readily available and by this people are becoming more socio-politically aware, is what brings this one closer to home and reveals just how ugly it can get. Then again there is something pretty disturbing about watching a man repeatedly hitting someone over the head with a blunt object.

I worry though… about the pawns in the game that is fast turning cut-throat with the lead character declaring his willingness to become the next martyr. With the way and manner in which he has been stripped of his security detail may his words not turn out to be prophetic. And as for those five men, they had better pray that the two elephants currently trampling the ground never kiss and make up! Chai! Even if one is sent on a fool’s errand, wisdom, caution and common sense should apply.

So, finally, Mr President picks his battle. I know many of us would have preferred if he concentrated his considerable might to tackling issues that could have a positive impact on the largest number of people possible, which is the real dividend of democracy, but alas!Frankly, if he had faced Boko Haram relentlessly the way he’s pursuing this other matter the problem for don solve small.

So all this brouhaha to what end? And in his own backyard? I think everybody else had better sit up and take notice. If all of this is really about 2015 as they say, well Jona and his henchmen are giving us a preview of coming attractions.

Then again, each time they pull one of these stunts and heat up the polity, I silently wonder to myself if this will be the tipping point, if this is the one that will unravel everything… for there to be a new dispensation the old one has to come to an end somehow abi? Nothing spoil! I’ve got my popcorn and my front row seat, looking forward to seeing how this episode will play out.

 

Oil and water

By Tiola
When the government led by the late President Yaradua first floated the idea of amnesty for the ‘restless youth’ of the Niger Delta, I did a piece questioning the rationale because my interpretation of the the Amnesty International charter did not include welfare packages and luxury trips (thinly disguised as training programs) for people who in plain speak have done nothing but take innocent lives and wreak wanton destruction albeit in the name of ‘fight for rights’; yeah! But that’s just me sitting here tapping away.

Who knows the circumstances or backroom politics that will cause a sovereign nation to not only negotiate but bribe and appease —putting all euphuisms aside — terrorists.

The thing with precedents is that once one has been set, it will certainly happen again; and why not? What is good for Sekibo is also good for Hussein. So when the ‘restless youth’ in the North began to shoot and burn every thing in sight, it was only a matter of time before they too, would be invited, nay begged to come to the negotiation table. Agenda? Amnesty of course!

From what I gather a lot of these boys have been taken to far-flung places for all kinds of training, and receive a monthly allowance far above the minimum wage, but that is not the point here.

Until recently, the impression I got was that their rehabilitation was being done in far flung places till I came upon this news story. According to the report, students of the Federal College of Education, Akoka Lagos and 80 Niger Delta militants running a one-year programme at the institution clashed. Trouble was said to have started after an ex-militant allegedly slapped a female student. It also went on to say that a school official who tried to intervene also got slapped for his trouble and from there it degenerated into a free for all with many people sustaining injuries...

Now, my question is, who came up with the brilliant idea of putting a training center for ex-militants on a school campus? What’s wrong with it you ask? After all its a school with existing structures abi? What’s the big deal, shebi they are learning abi? And everybody will mind their own business. Yeah right. What is wrong with it is what has happened right here! Didn’t it occur to anyone on the planning committee that placing these two similar yet diametrically opposed social groups in such close proximity could lead to a potentially dangerous situation?

Lets take a close look at both of them. These ex-militants are young virile men (and women I suppose, where they exist) who have lived most if not all of their lives in a particular way according to particular creed. I doubt if the niceties of social protocol and etiquette is their strong suit. These are people who have lived under some very harsh conditions that they have been told is as a result of the marginalization as perpetuated by the federal government. Then on the other hand you have the urbane youth, upbeat and confident, walking around like they own the plantation ( which in some ways they do) who may have seen some suffering of their own, but very little I would want to believe, that could compare to the aforementioned.

Now you place these two side by side, within close proximity, where they can observe each other at close range; one with a sense of superiority and thinly veiled disdain, the other with latent resentment at what must be to them the personification of all that they had been denied.

Its not rocket science; one only has to understand basic human nature. Of course it was only a matter of time for there to be a clash. And to support my point this was not the first one. Earlier there was a scuffle between the two groups over stolen money that was ‘settled’. Then last week a lady got slapped cause she was told to move by an ex- militant and maybe didn’t do it quickly enough or had the temerity to ask him why. And this time according to the report, ‘there was bloodshed.’

This is not about discriminating or apportioning blame. This is about acknowledging the fact some people who have lived a certain way, may have developed a certain code of conduct and therefore may not be able to exist in our midst ‘as is’. If we truly desire to integrate them back into main stream society, it will be a gradual long term and sustained process which can not be accomplished over a period of 6-24 months at a skills acquisition center anywhere in the world.